Carry

It feels like January is the month to carry.

Whether this be guilt, tiredness, relief that we’ve reached a new year, sadness that another one is over, disbelief at what that year held for us; whatever there is to carry, it seems that this is the month to do it.

I don’t know about you, but I feel emotionally disorientated. The mornings are dark, the evenings are getting lighter, yet - there’s just this deep dizziness of it all. Two weeks off-schedule felt like two months. I now wonder how we fit it all in. And there lies a deeper question. Why do we fit it all in?

I often wonder if societal pressure leaks into our guilt-stakes. Do we really need to be doing kids club, after kids club, after guess what - kids club. I know they love being active and it’s so healthy for them. But what’s healthy for us as their parents? I can nod and agree with anyone who stands by me and says that what’s healthy for us, is release. Kids need freedom and play; as do we. Sometimes the weeks feel like that big week at work that consumed you a few months ago, or when I was teaching, it would be lesson observation week, or staff meeting day - or something that just distracted you for a bit longer than usual. Yet, we’re talking of our day-to-day life. We’re talking about the load that we can change, if we want to.

Back to societal pressure, I wonder whether we feel more worth at times, by being busy. Whether we feel we owe it to our families to pack in the extra-curricular, or we’ve gotten swept up with what society seems to approve of. Or maybe, it’s just right for us. One size does not fit all.

My question is, can we lighten what we carry? If so, how? This is rhetorical and I ask it with kindness, to both myself, and anyone who feels they need the same provocation of thought.

Tiny steps are still steps. I’m really committing myself to trying to carry less guilt and pressure this month. No long list of resolutions for me this year. Simply reading a book more often before bed, and taking short spikes in the day to find some reprieve. This may be a cuppa - that’s it. But a sitting down one where possible, with a quiet space. Sometimes, this doesn’t happen until I go to bed. I’m observing the week as if it belongs to someone else, and evaluating what’s working and what isn’t. I want to teach my kids the valuable lesson of living, not just ‘doing.’ Sometimes living means doing nothing. That’s the irony of it.

Carrying equates to emotional weight. That’s heavy, and it can be realllly heavy. I’m getting used to the sluggishness of this month and allowing myself to feel it. But this is temporary. All of this needs to be felt. Isn’t that what winter is for? A reset, a restoration, an allowance to be slower and evaluate.

Go slow, go easy and go kind.

January, we’ve got your back.

Soft-winter light love,

Sally x